On the day when the ban on the sale of clove cigarettes in the U.S. goes into effect, I return to the scene of the crime where I first encountered them. As a TOTALLY NEW WAVE 80′S TEENAGER™, I was fascinated by the smell of them, maybe for the similarity to the smell of my grandfather’s pipe. (Sorry Mom and Dad if you are reading this.) Back then we heard incredible tales of their effect on other TOTALLY NEW WAVE 80′S TEENAGERS™.
“Oh, yeah…he used to smoke so many cloves that his lungs were bleeding. BLEEDING!!”
As the impressionable youth that I was, that was pretty much all I needed to hear. I wouldn’t be making a habit of cloves any more than I would have made a habit of eating a pack of pop rocks and then chugging a Coke.
“Mikey from the Life commercials did that and his stomach exploded and he died. DIED!!”
All this happened at Club X, the TOTALLY NEW WAVE 80′S TEENAGER™ equivalent of a nightclub which was held at the very same rented roller rink where we now go to the kids’ school sponsored Skate Night once a year. My how the times have changed, my friend. Tonight, instead of watching milling herds of Bauhaus loving goths sway and smoke cloves, we watched Small, Medium and Large skate the night away, red-faced and sweaty under the flashing lights. Nothing else there has changed. I stand by my less than kind yelp review of the place that I wrote up last year. It is kind of a dive as far as kid destinations go, but they have fun regardless and that’s really what it is all about. There are not too many kid activities where you can delight in their excitement and simultaneously mourn your lost youth (and cloves) as a TOTALLY NEW WAVE 80′S TEENAGER™.
#1 by blake at September 22nd, 2009
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I can imagine you with a pack of djarums and about 12 pounds of silver bangles on your wrist to offset the weight of your asymmetrical ‘do.
#2 by LeslieR at September 23rd, 2009
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E-now that I have teenagers I am obsessed with cloves and am sure that my kids and all their friends are smoking them and I smell all their stuff, their rooms (and sometimes freak out but then realize it is just my Gingerbread Yankee Candles) and now I feel like smell cloves everywhere, and I wonder how my mother never knew that we were all smoking them??? Today at work I was sure I could smell people smoking cloves, maybe I should write you for advice or seek professional help. xoxo Leslie
#3 by ChrissyB at September 23rd, 2009
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My mom found my pack of cloves in a jacket pocket of mine when I was in high school, she said nothing, a few weeks later there was a dear Abbey article lying on my bed about a distressed mother who found a pack of cloves in her daughter’s jacket pocket. So much for actually talking about it. I believe there was mention of lung bleeding in that article too, not a good visual.
#4 by EDubya at September 23rd, 2009
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@blake – Dude…you don’t even know the half of it. Somewhere there are pictures…
@LeslieR – I will *so* be you when my monsters hit high school. Also, “but then realize it is just my Gingerbread Yankee Candles” was the most hysterical thing I read all day. total lolz!
@ChrissyB – HILARIOUS. Do you think she put the clipping in your scrapbook next to your class photos and stuff. I mean, you were totally *in* the newspaper!!! :D
#5 by Amber Shaw at September 23rd, 2009
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I was reminiscing right there with you at Skate Night! I was feeling a nostalgic longing for my size 0 white Chemin de Fer lace-up pants. Which now probably wouldn’t even fit my nine year old.
#6 by SnazzyGina at September 30th, 2009
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Hahaha…one time I smoked a whole bunch of cloves and then when I got home I coughed and spit and it was RED! I felt my whole body go numb. But then I realized it was just the leftover red hots on my tongue. DORK!